Sunday, September 25, 2016

Don't Call Me Grace!

     So… with full disclosure, I’m a wee bit high on drugs, so the chances of this making sense, is probably slim to none.
     Friday, late afternoon I went to pick up a few things and stepped off a curb wrong. I blame the trifocals and bad balance for this. Yes, I was sober! Anywho, I fell, twisted my ankle and then landed on my foot. I got moves I tell ya. I don’t think it was my most graceful moment but then my name has never been Grace either. I’ve always been a bit of a klutz.

     Basically I managed to break a bone in my foot AND sprain it all at the same time. Now that’s talent I tell ya, talent. Even the doctor said so. It’s nice that others can recognize it too.
     At any rate, I’m on the mend, doing drugs and basically doing what I normally do… it just is taking me longer. A LOT longer. Yeah, crutches aren’t fun. Poor dogs don’t know what to think of them. Poor Willie hates them. Charles just kind of looks at me like ‘Yeah, you’re nuts.’
     The first challenge was how to fill the pup’s water bowl. It’s a BIG bowl, so carrying it with crutches wasn’t happening. But… I got it all figured out. Pulled an extra office chair out of the office and used it to scoot around without having to use the crutches. Ha! All sorted. Okay, I admit, I did spill a little bit, but for the most part I got along pretty well. All in all, I’m making it.
     What else…

     YAY! My Tennessee Volunteers finally beat Florida! I know that won’t mean much to many of you, but WHOOT! WHOOT! After eleven years! I was ecstatic. Unfortunately, I slept through the first quarter, due to the great drugs, but that is probably a good thing. They were not doing so well at that point, but after half-time, they kicked ass. I think I may actually go and read My Hero. Funny, I’ve never sat down and read any of my own books. But that one scene in there makes me want to relive the moment. Are there any authors out there who have gone back and read one of their own books? Hmmm, I wonder.
Just butt ugly if you ask me
     Alright, as a gay man, I gotta say those were the ugliest damn uniforms I’ve ever seen. They really do need a fashion designer. Dead grey. It reminded me a school of dead fish floating on top of a lake. At one point, I thought I actually smelt day old dead fish that had been lying in the sun. Yeah, they really aren’t pretty. However, they did get the job done! Go Vols!
     To know me…
     I put myself on a strict diet when I came back from OZ. I really needed to get rid of the poundage I plastered onto my ass. There was no way I was going to go and buy pants another size up. I think I was as big as I’ve ever been in my life. I was doing really well too. I’m not sure how much I’d lost, but I was doing really well. ‘Was’ being the key word there.
     Anyone who really knows me knows that there are a few things that will really make me the ultimate grumpy bear.
          1. Lack of sleep. Yeah, I don’t do well at all with no sleep.
          2. Lack of coffee in the morning. I need at least two mugs to feel human.
          3. Pain. I’m almost always in pain from my feet, which I’ve learned to deal with, but a constant hard pain; I’m not a fan.
     Saturday morning, I was a total grump. Out right bitch was more like it. I’d not slept at all because of the pain in my foot. I wasn’t able to really make coffee because I couldn’t walk or stand and I was hurting like a bitch. I was so foul I didn’t even like being with myself.
     Where was I going with this again? Hell, I need more coffee… back in a bit…
     Right, got coffee. I think I was going to say that I fell off my diet in a big way. After I got back from the doctors, and finally had something for the pain, I ordered Chinese food. Yeah, not good for the diet. I totally pigged out. I took one of the pain pills I’d gotten, ate and then fell into the bed for several house. Why I missed the first quarter of the game. BUT it was sooo good! Damn, but I do love steamed dumplings. Let’s face it: I love food! Surprised?
     Splish- Splash…
     I just thought of something… If I can’t put any weight on this foot for three weeks, that means I’m going to have to take baths. I hate baths. I’ve never liked them. For some reason I feel as if I’m sitting in dirty water. I don’t understand why anyone would want to sit and soak in one either. I get so bored. I don’t find them comfortable at all. My sister only takes baths. I don’t get it, but whatever floats your boat I guess. But… I guess I’m going to have to deal with it because I really can’t put any weight on this foot at all. If I had a cute houseboy to help me, that might change my opinion, but even then I’m not so sure.
I might not be so bored if he were in there.  LOL

     On the book front…
     I’ll have some exciting news for y’all coming in the very near future. Yay! I can’t believe it, but I’m so excited. I can’t wait to tell everyone. Can you tell I’m excited?
     It isn’t uncommon for me to be working on several manuscripts at the same time. If I get stuck on one, I go to another one until it sorts itself out. Currently, I’ve got four going all at the same time. One is time sensitive, so it really shits me when it stalls. Grrr… but I know it will come when it comes. There are some things you just can’t push. But I really wish these guys would get busy and let me get on with it.
     What now?...
     Well it’s time to wrap this up. I’d like to remind everyone about the Smile program at Amazon before you start your holiday shopping. Pick a charity that best suits you. It doesn’t cost you a thing and it will give something to a good cause. Since I’ve moved to Florida, I’ve chosen The Zebra Coalition. They are a very small organization that helps LGBT youth. They also have a wish list on Amazon. So go and get some of those good Karma Coins!
     Have a grrreat week, y’all,

Monday, September 19, 2016


     Okay, I’m going to warn you now… this is a rant. RANT I say, RANT!
     Once again, I saw a post about male vs. female writers in the M/M genre. This time it really made my blood boil. There was one particular comment that really got to me, but I’ll get to that a bit later.
     How many times do we have to go through this? It never seems to end, and what I’ve noticed is that there always seems to be the same authors always commenting on it. Really? Yes, really. Over and over and over again. It just makes my eyes cross and steam come out of my ears. I feel like Madeline Kahn from Clue, flames…

     I must be one for self-torture, because every time I mention the whole male vs. female writers, I get my ass handed to me. I don’t know how many times I’ve said that there are plenty of good female authors who write M/M. There are just as many bad male authors as there are females I’ve found, so I don’t quite understand why there are some who just have to keep this shit up, because that is what it is… shit.
     But then there are some authors who just keep at it, over and over again.
     Here is how I see these authors who are always harping on this.
          1.) You’re an attention whore and need to be in the spotlight. Poor, poor me.
          2.) You’re very insecure in your own work and need constant confirmation and reconfirmation that you’re doing a good job.
          3.) You’re a shit stirrer, plain and simple.
     IF you are passionate about your writing and you enjoy it, then keep at it. If you have readers who enjoy your work then that is confirmation that you’re doing a good job. This goes for any author, male, female, gay, straight, bi or purple polka-dotted! If you’re doing it for the money, then good luck to you and have fun while doing it. Go on with your bad self.
     I used to do a lot more social media than I do now. What changed? I got so tired of being attacked and demonized by other writers and their minions. It got to the point where I had to hire an attorney. Oh, that was right after I was almost arrested for sexual assault, which never happened. A rumor started by… guess who? Yep, a female author. So yes, I’ve backed way off out of self-preservation. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been raked over the coals by female authors.
     Let me say once again: I have never said that female authors can’t write gay characters. What I have said is that there are plenty of good writers out there, male and female and there are equally as many bad ones. Period. If you’re going to write gay characters, it would be nice if you actually did the research and got it right if you want ME to read it that is.
     Now then, onto what really pissed me off…
     “Until women writers burst onto the scene a few years ago gay romance was very few and far between to find.”
     WTF? Really? Want to tell that to some very well-known authors?
     How about E.M. Forster? He wrote Maurice. Oh, by the way, that was published in 1913! Was it classified as romance? No, but then it was aimed at a general audience.
     How about Felice Picano? Damn, what a fine writer.
     Gordon Merrick: The Lord Won’t Mind Oh, a best seller on the New York Times list for weeks on end!
     Armistead Maupin, who happens to be one of my all-time favorites.
     Anne Rice, under several non de plumes. Oh look a female author!
     Are we to forget Oscar Wilde? I certainly hope not!
     Okay, granted there wasn’t the plethora of titles available, but it doesn’t mean they weren’t there and available. It’s just that most people had to purposefully look for them, and most of them weren’t classified as romance. So yes, there were gay books that had men as main characters and often times there were relationships between them and yes, there was romance.
     NOTE: Most men, straight, gay, bi or in between, will not go looking in the romance aisle. It’s a guy thing I guess. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t reading!
     Hell, the last book I published I wouldn’t classify as a romance. There was no romance the hint of romance or even SEX, until the last ninety-percent of the book! It was about how two gay men dealt with loss and PTSD. How they supported each other on a daily basis.
     I think I’m luckier than most because I do have a good gay male following, which is not the case for most authors I’ve found out recently. It isn’t like I haven’t worked for them either. I’ve busted my ass to get other gay men to read my work. Trust me, it isn’t an easy task.
     So, when I see a female author whining about the whole female vs. male authors, I normally roll my eyes and move on and don’t get involved. However, this time I took exception with the comment that there weren’t gay male books available and it was female authors who made the whole genre what it is today. WRONG!
     Okay, this is really going to get me into trouble…
     Girl, put on your big girl panties and get over it. Write what YOU want to write. If you have sales; fantastic. If you have a best seller; even better. If it bombs, then you need to listen to the READERS and figure out why.
     If you write a chick with dick book, you can count on me not reading it. If you write a MPREG book, I’m not going to pick it up. Oh, and by the way, I don’t JUST read M/M either. I don’t care if the characters are NOT gay. It is nice to find a good M/M book, but I’m not going to just read any ol’ thing either.
     YOU do not have permission to tell my how to feel. That street goes both ways. If you feel persecuted, then that is on you. That doesn’t mean I have to listen to it either. I don’t really care what is between your legs. You either have skills or you don’t. Full stop. (Damn, those Aussie’s rubbed off on me.)
     The one thing I’ve learned since I started this gig was you need to have a very thick skin. If you let the haters get to you, then you need to bail out now. If you get a bad review, you need to look at it for what it is and take away from it what you need to make yourself better. Water. Duck. Back. Move on.
     I have never said it before, but I am going to now…
     IF I see a post from anywhere, where an author is belly aching over the whole female vs. male author thing, I’m going to unfriend, unfollow or whatever the case maybe. I’ve been doing it quietly but now I’m putting it out there. If you bash another author, the same thing. I’m not going to listen to such crap.
     Let me wrap this up…
     To all authors out there; write what you want. Read what you want. Do what you want. Just do not expect to receive respect when you cry about how unfair things are. No one ever said life was easy or fair. And you want to be treated equal, no matter your gender, then stop with all the boohooing and get on with making your craft the best it can be. Do not let anyone tell you that you can’t because of your gender. That especially goes for yourself!
     You wanna run with the big dogs? Then you damn well better grow up and start running. You’ll never be able to stay with the pack if you’re sitting in a puddle of your own tears.
     Just another side note: I have recently told several female authors how much I enjoyed their work!

     Taking escalator down from soapbox.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Home Sweet Home

     So… where to begin? So much has gone on in the last few weeks, it seems to be all a blur, or I’m still recovering from the flight from Australia. I have a feeling that this may be a bit of a mish-mash of ramblings…

I really need a houseboy!

     I arrived back from AU to no internet. Yeah, well I wasn’t happy. I’ve had so much trouble with Century Link that I basically told them to shove it and went with another provider. Took a few days, but I’m back online and connected to the world. To be honest, I didn’t miss it all that much. What I did miss was not having my music. Yeah, that’s pretty sad.
     Then, I went to pick up my dogs from my friend James. Yeah, that was a challenge. I picked the day to go up just as hurricane Hermine zeroed in on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Yep, I drove right through it on the way home. I swear it was like someone was pouring piss out of a boot the rain was so heavy. Took me twice as long to get home as I was anticipating, but I got there. Oh, did I mention that my alternator went out on my car just as I got back on the road coming home? Had that not happened, I might have missed the worst of it.
     At home, all safe and sound, and then the remnants of the storm stirred up more storms, including a tornado. We lost a cell phone tower that night. So, I had no internet, no TV and no phone. Talk about total isolation. No worries, I have books!
     Now speaking of books…

     While I was sick in Australian, I read. I read a lot. I read a whole lot! Over the past month I estimate I read over thirty books. I read three books on the flight home alone. I’ve been home just a little over two weeks and I’ve read… oh… ten books. I’m a fast reader, what can I say? What’s wrong with that? I tend to pick up a book, good or bad, and I have to finish it. I have to read all of it. Rarely have I ever NOT finish a book. It is really bad when I have a good book and I can’t put it down. What happens? I end up staying up all night reading and then I’m hung over the next day from lack of sleep. Yeah, that’s not pretty, trust me.
     These last few days I’ve really been able to get a lot of writing done. That’s a real good thing since I am way behind for where I wanted to be. Oh well, it is what it is. At least I’m back at it, getting into my usual routine.
     What else…
      Oh, while I was cut off from the rest of the world, I cleaned house. I mean I really cleaned. One of those deep spring like cleanings. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate to dust? If not… I really hate to dust. I would rather clean ten bathrooms rather than dust.

I really, really, really need a houseboy!

     The poor dogs didn’t know what was going on. The vacuum going, then the floor cleaner, had them running for their poor little lives. Furniture being moved around just about pushed them over the edge. Yeah, it was a serious cleaning. For the most part they hide under the dining room table, until I got to that point. Then they went to the bedroom. They stayed there until I got to the bedroom. Poor things. I was like I was chasing them through the house, cleaning.

     I’d really like to get one of those automatic floor vacuum thingys. You know what I’m talking about, the ones that unplug themselves and run on their own. Yeah, in Florida there is always sand and then the grass and stuff the dogs drag in, and of course, the dog hair, which is always an issue. If you have animals, it is just part of life. It would be really nice I think to not have to drag out the floor sucker a couple of times each week. It doesn’t help to have white tile floors either. Ugh… I hate white floors. Why anyone would put down a white floor is beyond me!

     Before you do…
     Hey, I know that the holiday season is coming up real soon. Have you signed up for Amazon’s Smile program? It is the program where you can get Amazon to donate to your favorite charity every time you order something. It really is a nice and easy way to give something back without digging into your own pocket. It is really easy to do. I still have Lost-n-Found of Atlanta as my primary charity. On top of my getting a little something on their wish list each month, each time I purchase something from Amazon, they get a little something else from me.
     So, before you start the bulk of your Christmas shopping, please consider signing up for this sweet deal. There are quite a few deserving charities listed, so it isn’t like anyone can’t find at least one to pick. What an easy way to get those Karma Coins rolling in, don’tcha’ think? I’ll even put a link up so you can find it easier.
Smile Charities by Amazon
     I guess that’s about all I have for this week. Be kind to one another and have a grrreat week, y’all.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

I'm trucking... Um... Ramblin' Again.

     So… it’s been another week and I’m still alive. Okay, I’m still having bits of coughing and I’m so over it. Oh well, I am getting better.
     It’s gonna be a rambling kind of post I think… Truckers work, right?
     Oh. My. God. The right-wing wack-a-doodles in North Carolina would fucking lose their minds here! We went to a pub for a drink one afternoon and I had to go use the rest room. By the way… they really do call it the loo here. Anyway, I go and low and behold, it is a unisex bathroom! Yep, you did read that correctly. There was a row of individual stalls, each with their own solid walls and locking doors. Along one wall was a bank of sinks, and I have to tell you, it was all very foo-foo/she-she decorated. Hell, my own bathroom wasn’t as nice as these. But can you imagine? Everyone uses the same lavatories? Oh hell, those religious nut-jobs would faint dead away, and then convulse over it all, possibly pissing their pants in the meantime.
     Now, I was also told that this is quite common and they were right. Another place we went do had the same set up. I think it is a great idea. Just do away with the whole male/female thing and throw ‘em all together and be done with it. How ‘bout them crackers. Oh, I’m not talking about the people crackers, just plain ol’ saltines would work.

     Speaking of crackers…
     Don’t’cha know that those bed-sheet-wearing fools would lose their shit? Well, I can see it. I mean… anyone who runs around in white sheets, with cone-shaped dixie cups on their heads with a veil aren’t all that mentally stable on the best of days. Bless their hearts, and I do mean that in the most loving Christian way.
     What do ya mean I can’t speak English… Yeah, that’s what I’ve been told over and over and over again. I don’t speak English I speak American. Well… fuck me runnin’ with a jelly doughnut. I do so speak English. Just because some of these Aussies can’t figure out what I’m sayin’ doesn’t mean I ain’t speakin’ it. I mean honestly, what the hell does fair dinkum mean anyway. Really? And then you wonder why I need a translator? Pfft… as long as no one thinks I’m from Texas again, I’m good.

     Now, don’t y’all go getting me wrong or nuttin’, because I have some very good friends who live in Texas. They are wonderful people. Good people. But when people see and hear people like that Ted Cruz fella, well… they tend to think people from Texas are a bit nuts.
     I’m from Tennessee and there are more ties between our two states than you could shake a stick at, even twice on Sundays! But I still don’t want people thinking I’m from there. Honestly, people look at the way Politicians there run things and they shake their heads in bewilderment. They aren’t sure if they are for real or not. Now before you good folk from the yellow rose state try and come jump my shit; start electing people who aren’t so bat-shit cra-cra. Ya hear?
     Oh, and don’t you think for one minute that the good folk of Tennessee don’t have their own whack-jobs, because they do. Yeah, listen to Trey Crowder’s take on some of the shit they try and pull. Just somehow, it don’t make the national, much less international news. I guess somehow we have figured out how to keep ‘em on a short leash.
     Yeah, so I’m a bit crazy…
     I’m not the bat-shit-scare-people kinda crazy though. Okay, sometimes I might scare people, but it isn’t like I’m chasin’ ‘em around with a gun and bible type nuts. I’m just the fun kind of crazy, or so I think anyway. I do tend to sometimes open my mouth and stuff just kinda rolls out. It isn’t like I intentionally try and sound like I just escaped from a mental ward somewhere, but it seems that’s how some people look at me.
     As TAT (the Aussie Tart) so succinctly put it: I’m kitchen while she’s management. I guess that is a fairly good description. She stays all calm and cool when shit goes down and says things way more properly than I do. She doesn’t even raise her voice or cuss none. Me, I just tell them how it is before I tell them to go fuck themselves. If I’m trying to be real polite I’ll just say “Fuckest Thou!” Yeah, that’s about as proper as I get for the most part.
     Now it isn’t like I can’t be management, but it also means that I have to really think about it and hell-fire, that’s just too much work and it might give me a headache. I am Southern after all and I was raised with manners. I can do it, but at my age and having spent most of my career in a hot ass kitchen, yelling, because it’s really loud, and cussing every other word is the norm, it’s really hard to revert to being a sweet Southern Gentleman. Besides, I really don’t give two shits to be honest.

     Was there a point? Um…
     Not sure if there was or not. I’m just gonna move right along because that’s what I’m the mood to do.
     Oh! I have a new love interest. Well, kinda-sorta, but not really. Maybe I’m just a huge fan of Trae Crowder. I’ve shared a few of his video blog posts on FB. The man just cracks me up and if he weren’t straight, married and with two kids, I’d so make a play for him. He’s got really cool eyebrows too! Yeah, he’s my kind of guy. He speaks my language which is hillbilly slang. He makes so many good points about life and just stuff in general. He really does make me proud to say I’m from East Tennessee. I’ve provided a link for y’all to check him out. He’s also on tour. Yeah, I’m so going to make a point of trying to see him live and in person.
And yes, he is wearing a Tennessee Vols shirt. :D
    Check him out... he's hysterical. You can get to know him here.
     Alright… I was mean…
     Yeah, I came down pretty hard on some of the Aussies last week. It wasn’t like the government didn’t deserve it and more. I just saw something about Nauru. Yeah, they need a good Southern Red-Neck ass whoopin’ over that one. Just goes to prove my point though… we all need to keep an eye open. We can make a difference, even if it is just one kid, one person at a time. Yep, we can, I swear we can. So go and do something, no matter how small for someone. Get ya some Karma Coins in the bank.      Have a grrreat week, y’all.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Oh the shame...

     So… I ain’t dead. That’s the big news. Woo-Hoo! Yes, I’ve been a little under the weather, which is a major understatement. I’m really not one to whine or whinge when I’m sick. Okay, I really was sick as a dog, so I think I deserve a little whine with some cheese. Yeah, pneumonia isn’t something to take lightly or play around with. It’s taken three rounds of antibiotics to get my big ass on the road to recovery, but finally, I don’t feel like I might hack up a lung at any moment. Anywho… I’m back, like it or not.
Aboriginal art is really unique. This particular artist is pretty cool. 
    You know that ol’ sayin’ about only the good die young? Yeah… well that sure as hell hasn’t happened. Please, God, Buddha, Allah or whomever is on duty today, please, please, please don’t let me be the leering old fag in a motorized wheelie-thingy chasing young men down the sidewalk. Pleeeaaasseee!
     Alrighty then, moving right along…
     As many of you know, I’ve been in Australia for quite some time. I must say I have enjoyed my time here. I’ve seen and experienced many wonderful things. There is a lot here that I have to give the Aussie’s credit for. They’ve really got one of the best medical systems that I’ve ever encountered. I may have to do a blog on just that, but it isn’t all rainbows and glitter here. Yep, if you look hard enough and long enough, you’ll see that they also have a darker side. I guess no place is perfect.
     Warning, a bit of a rant about to happen…
     While driving somewhere, I noticed that there were a lot of Salvation Army stores here. They actually call them Salvos. (I swear the Aussie’s will nickname or abbreviate just about anything.) Now, having had past experiences with the big red shield people, I had to ask if they were as rotten to the core here as they were in the States. “Oh no, they do really good work here.” I was told.
     Granted, the Salvation Army in the States do some really good work too… as long as you go along with everything that they believe and are willing to sit and listen to them preach at you.
     If you know me at all, you’ll know that I do love my research and so I set off to find out, and of course, there it was. Yep… same ol’ shit, just another continent. Oops, there I go again calling a spade a spade.
     While I was at it, I thought I’d check out how they dealt with homeless LGBT youth here. I was really glad to find out that there is help out there for kids. I found an article about how a 16 year old boy was tossed out on his ass because his folks found out he was gay. Oh, and guess what? They were religious nut-jobs. Imagine that! So sure, a young man, who is now homeless, is going to go seeking help from a religious organization, which has in the past said that all gay people should be put to death. That is how the think, although they have been raked over the coals for it in recent years. Yeah, I know they’d be the first organization I’d go to for help. NOT.
     What else did I find? Well, in New South Wales, almost 90% of all government funding to help the homeless goes to four faith-based organizations. How ‘bout them apples? Anyone seeing a pattern here besides me?
     Oh, I’m not done yet…
     Today, a report was released relating to South Australia Child and Protection services. Oh hell, it is as bad as I’ve ever heard. It was far reaching and it only took two years to complete. Talk about egg on your face. Shit, they have egg all over their damn bodies. It was shameful. Wide spread child abuse that resulted in the death of a few kids. Yes, you read that correctly, death.
     And yet it gets better still…
     In the Northern Territory they have detention centers, most of which house indigenous kids. This one made me cry. These kids have been so abused, neglected, locked away and forgotten. There is this one boy who has been there for seven years! They don’t go to school, they don’t leave the building, and there is no rehabilitation if they need it. Nothing. To me, they are treated no better than dogs. Tossed into a cell, given food and water just as if they were in a kennel.
     Everything I’ve said can be verified with very little effort. So yes, as wonderful as I think the Land of Oz is, they have some major problems just like the States. However, I have to admit, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything quite as horrendous as what happened in the Northern Territory here back in the States.
     Children did not ask to come into this world. They didn’t have a choice in the matter. I don’t care if they are white, black, pink or purple with yellow polka dots. They are just innocents, dropped onto this big spinning ball with no way to protect themselves. They rely totally on adults to do the right thing. The RIGHT THING.
     Yes, I just came down pretty heavy on the Australian government, but I’ve been just as hard on my own government. I’d come down hard on anyone who is responsible for taking care of those who can’t take care of themselves, and don’t even get me started on the abuse that is heaped upon the forgotten elderly who can no longer take care of themselves!

    Plan of action…
     Each and every one of us can make a difference. We need to hold those in charge accountable for their actions, or lack thereof. We need to pay attention and look for the signs of abuse of authority.
    I plan to redouble my efforts of getting more involved. I don’t have a lot of money, but I do try and do my little bit financially each month. I’m going to get up off my big butt and volunteer some of my time. I’m not sure what I’ll be allowed to do, but I’m going to put forth the effort and do something.

     Pay it back. Pay it forward. However you want to look at it, just do something, no matter where you live. Most of all, keep your eyes open and do what you think is best, I know I will.
     There, you have now been challenged. I know you can do it. If I can do some simple research and find a way to help, I know you can too. Get ready to receive those Karma Coins y’all!

     Sorry this was a bit of a rant, but… well I just can’t help myself sometimes. Hope everyone has a good week. And thank you all for the get well wishes and messages, which I’m still trying to respond to.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all.

Just because... LOL

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Straight Men Having SEX With Other Men... Part II

     So… I’m going to pick up from where I left off last week… If you’ve not read Part I, you should go and do so now…
     This all stems from Johnny, a character in ‘My Hero’ and several things that I’ve read, seen or heard over the past few weeks. Not sure where this is going to end up, but here we go! I do love research…
     There is a large number of gay men who seek out ‘straight’ guys to have sex with. This is nothing new. I’ve known that this happens for decades now. Personally, it never really was my thing. Of course there are many gay guys out there who fantasize about Firemen, Policemen, UPS guys and such. Then there are those who purposefully go out with the intentions making this happen. (OH, and don’t forget… there are plenty of ‘straight’ men who are out there looking for gay men to screw around with!)
    An old friend of mine, Morris, did this for years. You’d never know that Morris was gay by looking at him. He was an old-guard, leather-biker-dude who looked about as rough as a three-day tequila binge. He did clean up nicely, but that happened about once every five years or so. If I saw him clean shaven and manicured, I’d ask him who died.
     Anyway, he would go out to the titty-bars, get lap dances from the girls, who all knew him and what he was up too, just to turn the hot guy next to him on. He would then lure the guy out to his truck and have sex with him. The guy was probably well on his way to being drunk, totally turned on and more than likely would fuck a knothole by the time Morris got a hold of him.
     I’m sure the poor slob didn’t think about having sex with a guy when he ventured out to watch women stripping down to just about nothing, their nipples to the wind. No, Morris knew exactly what he was doing. Oh, and Morris never drank. He was a sober as a judge, if there are any of those these days.
     I ran across another article while doing this bit of research, written by a gay guy in conjunction with a ‘straight’ guy who has sexual encounters with other men, preferably gay men. In this little jewel, they list five reasons why a straight guy should have sex with a gay guy. I found this hilarious and oh so true…
1. You’ll never have a better blow job than from a guy. Gay men make better lovers, from a sexual point of view of course.
2. You’ll never have as much fun during sex than with another guy.
3. You don’t have to follow up with a phone call, flowers or awkwardness when all you really wanted was to get laid.
4. You never have to be turned down by a woman when you just want your ass played with. There is nothing as good as a good rim job.
5. It will make a gay guy very happy.
     In my experience when a straight guy is involved in a situation like this is: a straight guy just wants to watch a ball game, have a few drinks, a few laughs, some good raunchy sex and go then home. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe they feel like they’re bonding with another guy? I’m sure that is part of it.
     One guy in particular expressed how much he liked getting fucked, but would never admit this to his wife. He really loved his butt played with, a fantastic rim job and a good hard ass pounding. The man was a born bottom. One time, after a few beers, he said how much he enjoyed coming over but how much he loved his wife and kids and the life he had with them. I was a bit curious, but never pushed it. I figured that was his deal and now wish I’d questioned him.
    Oh my… I can feel the steam radiating off of some of you…
     CHEATER… yeah, well as my good friend Alan (Crystal) Clear said all those years ago… “Honey, if you can’t keep your husband at home, don’t expect me to send him there.”
     That may sound a little harsh, but in reality, if it wasn’t with me, it would have been with some other guy. That’s just the bottom line here (pun intended). I’ll say it again; when I started this little fling I had no idea he was married. When I did find out, I figured whatever harm was done, was well… done. We had both agreed when we’d started having sex that it was just for sex and a good time. That’s all either of us wanted from the very beginning. Last I heard, he’d taken up with another guy (gay), who I knew. I’d since moved away. As far as I know, they are still seeing each other.
     Let’s talk about labels…
     Yeah, I don’t give them much credence anymore. Why? Because they are either incorrect, they change or they do nothing but put a stigma on people. Gay, straight, bi, tri, quad or whatever. Quite frankly, I really don’t care. I try and look at the person as a whole, not whatever they do with their genitals or who they play with. And yes, I purposefully used that word ‘play’, because in this instance, that is exactly what it is.
     I have no doubt in my mind that some of these guys were actually straight but only wanted sexual release and a little fun with another guy. Some of these men don’t actually consider it cheating if it is with a guy. Maybe that’s a little fucked up, but that is how they see it.

     There is a scene from one of my favorite films, “The Women” where the mother is trying to explain this to her daughter. (Not the remake, which was complete trash, but the old one from 1939.) What she said was such good advice I can’t help but think of it here.
    It went something like this…
     "When women get bored or feel that they need a change in their life, they go buy a new frock or change their hair or get a new hat. Men can’t do that. Stupid creatures that they are, look to see themselves in a new light in the eyes of another woman." In this case, in the eyes of another lover, which here, means another man.
     Personally, I think this was a very wise woman. Her further advice to her daughter was to do nothing. “Don’t even mention it. Let it run its course. He doesn’t actually love the creature.”
     Of course, that isn’t what she does. What kind of plot-line would we have if she hadn't? She mentions it, divorces the poor guy, which pushes him into the arms of the other woman. In the end, they get back together and all is well. By the way, there are so many good one-liners in this movie, it is like my number one must see movie to pass Gay 101.
     I once got an email from a female reader once who found out her husband was cheating on her with another man. (I’m still not sure why she contacted me in the first place.) She was pissed, hurt and every other emotion that goes along with finding out your man is out there having sex with someone else. She also had this thing about competing with a man.
     When I started asking some rather pointed and somewhat personal questions, she got all pissed at me! Yeah, well you gotta keep them home fires burning, honey.
     Some of the questions I was asking…
     How important do you actually make your man feel? Do you listen to him or is all you ever talk about is the kids, the house the dog the… whatever? And then there are times guys just need a break from it all. Not an excuse, just the simple plain truth of the matter. I told her all this, not because I was trying to be hurtful, but I was trying to get her to see what might be going on.
     She did later contact me and apologized and said that they were getting counseling and she thanked me. I’m not sure I did much of anything, but who knows, maybe they worked it all out.
     So why do straight guys have sex with other men? Who knows? What I have learned in all of this is that there are too many variances to give a general answer here. It is my opinion that each case is different. It might be part of the Kinsey scale. It might be boredom. It might be that a guy just needs to get off. I saw this… “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” – Dr. Fraud.
     And so there you have it…
     So all of this came from a little research for why a college freshman would actually have sex with another guy in a fictional book. Oh and some of the things that I’ve seen and heard over the past few weeks too. Remember that word ‘fluid’ that I used last week? Yeah, I’m totally sticking with that. Some guys (and most women) are just fluid in how they view sex, their own sexual orientation and desires. It doesn’t make them gay or bi, it just makes them… well sexual beings. Who knew it could be that simple… well it isn’t I suppose, but for me, I guess it is. I’m totally gay, and have never done the deed with a woman. I can’t even relate to that, so I can’t say that I’m that fluid. LOL I’m still a Gold Star gay after all!
     As I’ve said many times, sex is supposed to be fun! So… go forth and have some fun. Oh, and while you’re at it… you might try and do a good deed and rack up some Karma Coins.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Straight Men Having Sex with Other Men... Part I

     So… there has been a few things that have come up lately so I’m going to call it fate and go with it. So, no rambling today. This one is rather long, so bear with me…

Now that I have your attention...
     A few years ago now, which seems unbelievable it was that long ago, I put a book out called ‘My Hero’. In this book there was a guy, Johnny, who was supposedly straight and then fell in love with the other main character, Rich, who happened to be gay. Yeah, well… I never went into much detail about that. I did make him mess up, caused all kinds of trouble, and then it all worked out in the end.
     When I wrote that, I did some research then, even though I pretty much knew the answer. What did I research? Why do straight men have sex with other men? And why do so many of them do it with gay men? Oh, and why and/or how did I already know the answer? Pfft… been there, done that and have the T-shirt(s). Yeah, I’ve been with married straight me a few times.
     Okay… maybe more than just a few. Now, before you go thinking badly of me, most of the time I didn’t know they were married. Hell, I didn’t even know they were straight!
     Oh… I can hear y’all thinking all the way from here…
     Yes, a straight man can have gay sex and it really isn’t that uncommon. Matter of fact, it is a lot more common that you may think. But going back to Johnny; his circumstance was more fluid. After doing the research, and what I didn’t go into was that there are some men… and women… who are more fluid, in their emotional sexual orientation. Did you notice that word? Fluid.
     That’s a fairly new term, but it makes complete sense to me. I’ve known a few people who really don’t care what the plumbing is. All they care about is the emotional connection and go from there. Personally, I thought that was pretty cool, and has only in the past ten years really been explored. There have been many studies and quite a few books written about it. Medical books to be exact (get your minds out of the gutter now).
     But back on topic…
     So why do obvious straight men go looking for sex with other men? To answer this I went digging again. A professor of women’s studies, Jane Ward, recently published something about this. Of course, she went way overboard in overthinking this in my opinion. There is one quote of hers that I think is pretty good though… “When straight-identified women have sex with women, the broader culture waits in anticipation for them to return to what is likely their natural, heterosexual state; when straight-identified men have sex with men, the culture waits in anticipation for them to admit that they are gay.”
     That pretty much sums that up, right? Yeah, not so much. There is a lot more to it than that.
     Joe Kort, Ph.D., in clinical sexology and licensed clinical social worker has numerous publications and has been a featured speaker many times over on this topic. He’s given some pretty spectacular insight to this subject. Here are some of his thoughts as to why straight men sleep with other men…
Acting out early-childhood sexual abuse: This is also known as “homosexual imprinting.” These heterosexual men are not homosexually oriented. They do not sexually desire, nor are they aroused by, other men. However, they compulsively reenact childhood sexual abuse by male perpetrators through their sexual behaviors with other men. If a basically heterosexual boy is molested by a male relative, he may keep “returning to the scene of the crime” to defuse his emotional pain or desensitize himself to it. When his original trauma gets cleared up, the “homosexual” behavior he’s reenacting ceases. This isn’t about gayness; it is about sexual abuse.
• Sex work or escorting: These heterosexual men voluntarily engage in sexual behavior with other men for the financial reward, but they lack desire for other men and are aroused by the sexual behavior, not by the man. It is widely known in the porn and sex work industries that straight men who have sex with men are paid more than they would be for sex with women.
Seeking intensely arousing but personally shameful experiences (e.g., penetration by a dildo, bondage): These are heterosexual men who are strongly interested in various sexual experiences that many people might label “homosexual.” To avoid being identified in this way by women, they seek out men, whom they perceive as nonjudgmental.
First sexual experience: Sometimes heterosexual males experiment with other males sexually, usually in adolescence and/or young adulthood (up to age 25), for the experience or to satisfy curiosity.
Availability/opportunity: These straight men have high sex drives and are sexually aroused easily. They connect with men for physical sexual release, which can be quick and easy and allows them avoid having to emotionally engage.
Father hunger: These are heterosexual men who crave affection and attention from their fathers and seek sex with men as a way of getting that male nurturance and acceptance.
Sexual orientation toward men but emotional/romantic orientation toward women: These are men who are romantically attracted to women and are usually partnered with women. They can be sexual with women they love, but they are predominately aroused and driven sexually by desire for sex with other men.
Narcissism: These are straight men who are self-absorbed and have a constant need for attention and acceptance; they use sexuality with men to be worshipped and adored. • Out of Control Sexual Behaviors: “Gay” sexual behavior can be the result of problematic sexual behaviors. But even a “cured” man who no longer struggles with out of control sexual behaviors may still feel attracted to sex with men.
Cuckolding: These straight men enjoy fantasies of — or the reality of — their female partners having sex with other men, either in front of them, nearby or with their knowledge about when and where it occurs. They’re often sexually aroused by feeling humiliated that their female partners are being pleased by another man whom they see as more potent and better endowed. Other men enjoy being sexual with another man’s female partner in front of him, or at least with his knowledge. Sometimes they engage in sexual behavior with the man, but only in the presence of the female partner.
Exhibitionism: These straight men enjoy being looked at by both men and women as long as they are being admired for their bodies. Many are body builders and muscular and enjoy the homoerotic attention of gay men and might even flirt with gay men to encourage more admiration.
Sexual release in prison: These straight men engage in sexual behavior with other men in prison. Their sexual release with another person occurs with men only because men are what’s available. Once released from prison, these men no longer engage in sexual behavior with men.
     Oh wow, I know a guy who actually falls into three of these categories. And yes, he’s married with three kids. And yes, I had a fling with him. It was a lot of fun I must say. Again, I didn’t really know he was married when it all started.
     I like the way that Dr. Kort explains a lot of things, but there are a few things that he didn’t get into that I think needs to be mentioned here.
     While doing some further digging, I found some other doctor’s research where men would give a brief explanation as to why they were seeking out sex with other men, even though they identified as been heterosexual. This is what I was really looking for! I wanted to hear it straight (pun intended) from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.
     One man – "My wife and I have been married for sixteen years and we now have two children. My wife is a very loving wife and takes care of all of us and I love her deeply. (Cutting part of it out and going to the heart of the subject.) She’s cut her hair and looks like a tomboy, no makeup, shorts or sweats all the time and all she talks about are the kids or other family. She has no interest in sex and we never go anywhere because she says we need to keep the money for the kid’s college fund."
     Basically the guy met another guy and they started to hang out and one thing led to another and now they are lovers… but he’s still married.
     And then we have this guy – “I have sex with other men all the time, mostly because it’s easier than with women and more available and because I need variety, another great thing is it comes without drama, one night of sex is exactly that, one night. Men understand the need for sex, unlike women, and know that sex is just sex and nothing more.”
     Another guy said that his first sexual experience was with another boy as a young teen. He didn’t have sex with another male until his late 30’s. Again, a married guy who just wanted a sexual outlet and found it with another guy, who also happened to be ‘straight’ and married.
     The one thing I know about guys is that most men can separate love and their emotional relationships from sexual encounters. Here’s another example - “Men can have sex without the entanglements of their feelings or the demands put upon them from their female companions. They can have sex with other men without the need to do the cuddling, the after care, the expectations or trying to explain their feelings.”
    Okay, this is getting really long…
     How about I continue this, because there is soooo much more information that I’d like to explore. I’ll continue working on this and pick it up again next week. Maybe we’ll get to the bottom of why ‘straight’ men have sex with other men… perhaps. Who knows? I’ll keep digging though.
     For now…
     Go and do something for someone else who might need a little pick-me-up. It doesn’t hurt ya know. I did my part this week, did you?
     Have a grrreat week, y’all.