Sunday, January 25, 2015

Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo!


     Here I go, again. Flying by the seat of my pants, which is pretty much the norm for me, I guess. I have no idea with today’s topic is, so I’m just going to do my rambling thing.

     I did actually work this week. Took me awhile to get my head into it, but I finally got there. I dusted off a story that I wanted to do last year, re-read it and I can’t wait to get back to it. However, it was a rather heavy subject and I didn’t think it would be a good thing to jump into at this point in time. Not to mention I have someone bugging the bejesus out of me for another story that I’ve almost gotten done…that I’ve been working on over the past year. Anyhoo, I decided to do something else. Something more upbeat, with characters that I already had in my head.

     I guess I’m just going to announce it… A Valentine’s Day Memory.


     I don’t have a blurb for it just yet, but let’s say it is almost finished and my goal is to have it out by February 1st. 

     Puppies update – Unfortunately I lost one of the little girls yesterday. I had just started the weaning process and I don’t think her kidneys were developed properly. I was sorry to let her go, but sometimes Mother Nature has other plans. The other two seem to be thriving, although still not all that enthused with the new food. Mommy’s is better.

     I do have another big announcement coming, but am going to hold off until I have a more firm date. Oh hell, why not…

     For my Aussie friends, get ready… I’m making the trek to Down Under this spring, or your autumn, if I survive the flight. I don’t mind flying and used to enjoy it quite frankly. But…27 hours traveling? UGH… oh God, Buddha or Allah, whoever is on duty those days, give me patience.
I think this would make it more tolerable

     So far I have it worked out that I will be in Sydney and Melbourne for sure. Hope to be able to meet up with some longtime social media friends, and perhaps meet some new ones. I’m really looking forward to it, minus the getting there part. Do they have strip clubs in Aussie-land?

     What else… Oh the big excitement this week? I had my car worked on. The check engine light has been popping on and then going off for about a year. The mechanic I had in Atlanta couldn’t figure it out. Then I started having this noise like a small roar, so I decided I needed to have it checked out.


     First thing the guy said was, “Sounds like a hub”. Uhhh, okay. A hub as in hubcap? At least I was in the right vicinity. I also ended up having to get new brakes all the way around. Oh well, who needed that money for other things, like a trip to a strip club? 

     Found out that the sensor was bad to start with. Now why didn’t the mechanic in Atlanta figure that out? It would have saved me quite a bit of time and money if he had. Seems like this guy knows what he is doing and his prices are fair. Always good to have a good mechanic.


     What makes this all so interesting and exciting, (because it is, right?) was getting back home while they work on the damn thing. It was either that or sit there all day, and as it turned out, all night and part of the next day waiting for it to get done. You see, when you live out in the boonies, as I do, there aren’t a lot of people around. Not to mention I still don’t know that many people here, and those that I do know don’t live even close to where I am. Once I got that all worked out, it went fine. While I was sitting there waiting for my ride, I did see this rather handsome young man, who is one of their tow truck drivers. Nice looking. Dark hair, about 5’10”, had a well-trimmed beard. Nice arms, cute bubble butt, nice legs… he got my attention. And then…and then he opened his mouth.

     For some reason the Lonely Goat Herder song from Sound of Music flashed through my head. I looked at him again and he started looking more and more like a goat. Hell, he even grew horns. What a letdown. Then I got tickled. I had to take a walk just to get over the giggles. It was funny and sad all at the same time. I still don’t quite understand what it was about his voice, but it was odd, in a strange way, and I could see where it would become very annoying. (Crap, now I have that song stuck in my head...ugh.)

     I guess that’s about it for now. My exciting life, welcome to it. You know that old saying? “Do unto others…” You know it, right? I think I’m going to change it. “Do unto others better than what you’d expect others to do for you.” Think that works? I do. Go rack up some Karma Coins, you guys.

     Until next week…

     Max






Sunday, January 18, 2015

Out of the Pool.


     Howdy, y’all. 

     I guess most of you may have noticed by now that I took down my blog post from last week. Sorry, but it was just too whiney for me. I’m not generally a whiney person and I really don’t care for many who are, so I took it down. I'm done doing laps in the pity pool. 


     
     So….now what? Hell if I know.

     I did manage to pull myself together enough to finish edits and get A Christmas Memory 2 out. The initial plan was to have it out the day after Thanksgiving, but things got…messy and complicated, to say the least. Anyhoo, I got a not so gentle nudge from my bestie and it is out. Thanks to all who bought it. For those who are fans of Adam and J.J., I may have a little surprise for you in the not too distant future.


     I will admit I've been drinking again. MILK people, just milk. Sheesh. Yeah, went through four gallons in one week. I’m sure there is a twelve-stop program for people like me. Between the milk and the goodie baskets I got for Christmas…well all I can say is thank god for elastic pants!



     The big news of the week, I guess, is that I did find a charity that I would like to volunteer for. It looks like a great organization that helps homeless gay youth. I’ll tell you more about that later. Don’t want to jinx it just yet. I did ask for a few letters of reference and I got some really nice ones. Thanks to those who wrote them. Big kisses and hugs.

     A good friend invited me to NYC and I was very tempted. I really could use a change of scenery about now. Even with the temperatures up there I was tempted. BUT… there are three week old puppies to consider, so that pretty much takes care of that.

     Speaking of puppies... they will be four weeks old this coming Wednesday. They are growing like weeds and are going to be beautiful dogs.
New born. Still wet.
Week One.


Week Two

video
     With all that has gone on in the past few weeks… I've not been doing a whole lot. Did a marathon of Downton Abbey. Watched movies that…well…were of questionable worth. Had more chocolate than anyone should have at any given time.

     What else? Umm…

     Well I have been helping the bestie with some plotting and working on the Southern Dialect. There are times when I wonder if we really do speak the same language. Although, admittedly, there are some things that Southerners say that you’d never hear anywhere else in the world, I’m sure. I call them Southernisims. I’ll give you some examples…

     I think that the first time that K.C. heard me say “I’m as full as a tick on a fat hound dawg”, she nearly fell out of her chair laughing, after she was able to close her mouth that is. Now she says it as well. It's quite amusing to hear her try and imitate a Southern accent. Sorry hun, but that English accent still shines through.

     When I was visiting her last summer and after a long walk on the Isle of Wight, I think I said something about being as sore as a boil on an old whore’s butt. I think her husband just about spit tea through his nose. (He has more control than I gave him credit for. I’ll try harder next time.)

     Now was it my fault that those poor folks in Paris couldn't understand my English? “I speak English, but I do not understand you with accent.” Wait? I have an accent? Lara Brukz, do we have an accent? Naw, can’t have.

     Hell, there were some English who couldn't understand me while in the UK. That’s okay, I didn't understand them half the time either. As much as I love my friend, and fellow urinal watcher, Petronella, I only get about half what she says, especially have a few beers. Don’t much matter, we have a good time anyway.

     On a side note, anyone who wants to send me a stripper, feel free to do so. Wouldn't mind the distraction about  now. Just make sure he’s at least thirty years old! I have to say, I’m missing my stripper bar in Atlanta.  

     Okay, I guess that’s about all I got for this week. Remember, doing something nice for someone else is a lot of times better for you than them. Rack up them Karma Coins, y’all.

     Have a great week you guys,

     Max



Wednesday, January 7, 2015

There's No Fool Like An Old Fool


     I didn't do a blog last week. I had one almost ready to go and then… well then shit happened. 

      I’m thinking that most of you who regularly follow me around, know what happened. I was ‘Catfished’. Until this week, I’d never heard of such a thing. Now I know what it is first hand. I can tell you, it ain't pretty. 

     What is Catfish? Here is the definition according to Urban Dictionary. 

     Catfish 
     A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they’re not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances. 
     Did you hear how Dave got totally catfished last month?! The fox he thought he was talking to turned out to be a pervy guy from San Diego! 
     Or 
     I was really falling for that gorgeous gal on Facebook, but she turned out to be a catfish. 

     Yes, it happened to me. I really should have known better. I thought I did. Just goes to show that there is no fool like an old fool. Why would a hunky twenty-two year old want a broken down ol’ horse like me? Yep, I should have known better. 

     Looking back, I can see there were signs. I guess I just didn’t want to see them. The hoax was elaborate and never ending. Why? I can’t really say. Only thing I can come up with was that this wannabe author wanted to sell books. Well, she certainly got that. 

     My bestie helped this woman out with free editing services for two books. My wonderful cover artists got scammed into doing a cover for her, at my recommendation. That one really makes me cringe. I cost her time and money. I have since offered to pay for the cover, to no avail. 

     This person also used mine and others contacts to get reviews, do blog tours and get other promotions. The books sold well, so there was monetary gain. She also received numerous gifts of things and of money. Let’s just say her kids had a very merry Christmas. 

     What I think she really wanted was attention. Thing is, this sick individual could have gotten it another way—by standing on her own two legs and doing the work that a lot of other authors have done. I can only assume she didn’t want to do this, but wanted to take a more dishonest course of action. 

     For me, this is much worse than someone dying. It is the betrayal of someone who I thought I knew, someone I loved, and someone I trusted. To find out that this person never existed is nothing less than devastating. At least to me it is. Not to mention the entire cast of characters that was also created in pulling off this deception. I’m still shaking my head. 

     The most heinous thing is the way she used her own children to perpetrate this story. How despicable can a person be? I shudder to think the life lessons they are learning here. 

     How am I doing? Here is an example of my thoughts over the last few days… 

     Oh look, Florida’s gay marriage is actually here! At least Dylan and I won’t… Wait, there is no Dylan. 

     I wonder if Dylan would like this garlic bologna… oh… there is no Dylan. 

     I need to really get on getting those season tickets to Disney for Boo… you dumb ass, that is never going to happen. 

     I wish Dylan was here so I wouldn’t have to get the ladder… shit… 

     It is hard to stop thinking about the person who I was expecting to be here in under a month. I wonder what excuse she was going to use to put off their leaving? I have a feeling it would have been something to do with the brain surgery and not being able to fly… a brain surgery that never happened on a person that never existed. Yeah, I’m a complete and total idiot. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around all this, obviously. 

     I would like to apologize to anyone who I may have introduced this monster into their lives. The responsibility is mine, and mine alone. I am truly sorry if you have been hurt in any way. 

      I know many of you have sent me private messages and tagged me in posts with well wishes. Thank you, one and all. However, right now I just can’t… well, just can’t. I’m sorry. I will get to them when I can. Until I can figure out…something, I don’t even know what to say. 

     Thank you, 

     Max






Sunday, December 28, 2014

Who?

     Okay, so bear with me here. I’m going to ramble on as I try and wrap my head around all this. Might not be pretty, so hold on. I’m going to try and connect all the dots. We’ll see if I can or not. There is a theme here, believe it or not. 

     Recently I was asked, if I could spend the day with anyone, living or dead, who would it be? The answer was easy—my grandmother. I’d like to have her see that I do try and live by what she taught me, helping others when I could. Not so hard really. It’s easy to be able to say something or do something nice for someone else. I think I've stood on that soapbox enough for y’all to get the gist of that. So yeah, I’d love to be able to spend the day cooking and talking with my grandmother. 

     Then the pool was narrowed. What writer would you want to spend the day with? I had to think a moment longer on that one, but still didn't take me long. Maya Angelou. I became an avid reader of hers from about the age of 11. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings is still one of my all-time favorite reads. I could listen to her speak for hours on end. Such a wise woman. About the only poet I will read to this day. 



     And don’t you know that the pool got smaller when I was asked, what gay author? Oh hell…this got really hard. There is no way I can pick just one. Maybe if I split the day up? As I've mentioned here before, I loved Gordon Merrick’s books. So I’d want to have a chat with him. My first question to him would be ‘How did you get The Lord Won’t Mind published in the first place, and how did if feel when it hit the New York Times Best Seller List? I've always been amazed at how that happened. 




     Then I’d want to spend some time with Armistead Maupin. His Tales of the City series is still one of my favorite go to reads. Fun, happy, emotional and sexy is how I would start to describe his books. I can’t help but think he’d be a riot to hang out with. We actually have a lot in common. 



     I was dreading the next question. I knew it was coming. I didn't want it. Yeah, got it anyway. “Who in the M/M genre?” Nope, not going there. I really haven’t had much time to read this year. I've had a lot of things going on and was very busy, so I didn't get much of my to be read list done. I will say that the few that I did manage to squeeze in were all amazing. There are a few new authors out there that blew my socks off. There was only one book that I started that I couldn't finish. That’s a record for me. Yeah, I’m fairly picky. If I can’t believe it or more importantly, feel it, I will put it down. It was the first book I ever returned on Amazon. 

     So I’m not going to answer who I want to spend time with, but I will give you this list of amazing authors that I’ve had the opportunity and joy to get to know. I’m also not going to say exactly what books, because they each have several. 

     So here it goes… 

     E. S. Skipper (and yes, I can be objective here) 

    Wulf FrancĂș Godgluck 

     Taylor Law 

     Look ‘em up. You won’t be disappointed. 

     So… something happened earlier this week when I went to the grocery store. While everyone is piling their carts full of ham and other Xmas goodies, I’m trying to reach for a box of cereal that is on the top shelf, and is way back towards the back. I look around and there isn't anyone around that is taller than me so I prop up my stick and climb up the shelving. Not a big deal. Right? 

     It wouldn't have been a big deal until I started to laugh. Why? I was thinking of my man. Soon I won’t have to worry about getting things down from the top shelves. I got so tickled that I pulled down all the rest of the boxes, about five in total. 

     Just as I picked them up and ready to put them back on the shelf, a woman of about eighty comes around the corner, shorter than I am and looks at all the boxes in my arms. “You must really like that cereal” she states, a grin on her face. 

    I looked down and smiled. “Three teenage boys,” I quickly reply.  
     “Oh, you might want a few more then.” We laugh and she moves on. 

     I’m actually looking forward to cooking masses amount of food. It’s hard to cook for just one person. So bring it on. I’m ready. How big of a freezer do you think I need for a whole cow? 

     This will be the last blog for this year I guess. I’m not good on doing much retrospect right now. I've got too much going on. What I am proud of is the small changes that I've been able to make in other people’s lives. I like to think of it as a tribute to my grandmother. 

     So…until next year, get out there. Live. Love. Laugh. And figure out a way to give it to others. It doesn't take much to put a smile on someone’s face. 

     Max



Sunday, December 14, 2014

Crazy Mad Ramblings From a Nutters Gay Man

     
   
 Soooo….. Here we are again. Another Sunday, another blog post. I have no clue as to what I’m going to write about here, so I’m just going to wing it. Look out! You just never know what the fuck is going to fly out of my mouth. 

     The thing that has been most on my mind of late is my big man is in the hospital, recouping from brain surgery. Now, that’s some scary shit. I've been an emotional mess. Sleeping when I can, can’t work, can’t focus on anything but him. Worried? You bet your sweet ass I've been worried. Worried sick. 


I was told he had cute nurses.

     As I sit here, I try and find something positive about this whole thing, and, yes, I have found it. This past week I have had the opportunity to get to know his brothers, which is something that I've wanted for quite some time. They are both braniacs, which is a bit intimidating, if you know what I mean. 

      One brother, who is openly gay, is charming, charismatic, smart, funny, loving, caring, and so fucking gay sometimes it is hysterical. You can’t help but love the little minx. He’s also the dad of twins. Y’all ever have your mother say, “One day you’ll have children of your own and you’ll get yours.” Yeah, this young man is going to have his hands full. Karma is such a bitch sometimes. Oh, he is a twin by the way. I’m sure Natalie, his mum, is going to be laughing her ass off. 

     The other brother… oh hell, I don’t even know where to start with this one. Super smart, a sense of humor that could stop a Sherman tank, and as loving and caring as anyone could ask for. I know now why his mother loved him so. He’s also a sensitive soul, although he tries to hide it. Yeah, didn't work. I saw right through that shit. I've nicked named him Lump. It so fits him, too. He and I are going to have a lot of fun together. I can just feel it. 

     Some of the conversations that I've had with these two while my hunka-hunka burning love has been in the hospital is what has kept me going this week. We have laughed our asses off. Cried a bit, laughed more, and have gotten to know each other. I will gladly, gratefully, welcome these fantastic young men into my family. 

     Now, with that being said, I have to say that this family has been through living hell this past year. I’m not going to go into detail, but trust me when I say, the worst angst book you can imagine is in this family’s history. There are not many who could have made it with this shit dumped on them is such heaps. It really is something that makes you shake your head. The silver lining here is that these boys have pulled together and been there for each other like no other family I've ever seen. It truly has been remarkable to witness the love they share. This is the family that everyone dreams of. 

     Of course, they have their little squabbles, which I really find endearing if you want to know the truth. It’s these little things that make life interesting, if you ask me. “I’m not making lunch until you fucking tidy up the kitchen, Lump.” Did the Lump do it? Nope. The rest went out and had a great lunch out. He still had to clean up the kitchen. Yeah, I laughed my butt off. So cute. 

     So gentlemen, it has been my pleasure and joy to get to know you better. Yeah, I love ‘em. 

     What else… oh… uh… yeah… blank again. Maybe more coffee would help. 

     Ahhh, I know what else. I was asked to do a blog post for my friend Vicktor Alexander’s Birthday Extravaganza. I did. I’ll leave a link here if you want to read it. Let me just say, I roasted his ass a bit. It was all in fun of course. Love Vic to death. He is quite the character. Works like a dog sometimes, and I've had to make him stop from time to time to breathe.




     He and my friend have been staying with me, upon my man’s request, to keep me company (look after me) while he was in the hospital. I am grateful for this, however, I am grown. I think I could have handled it, but it was nice to have them around. 

     Anyway, I've given the poor man such a hard time. I’ve lost count at how many times I've made him choke on either coffee, soda, or food. I thought I was going to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him last night. It isn't like I do it on purpose, but it is kinda fun to watch. Nothing funnier than see someone blast coke through their nose. You know that shit burns, right? 

     So after I did his birthday post, you wouldn't believe the response. It was like we had invitations to do parties, people wanting to party with us. (We are such the party animals. NOT) Hell, we even had a request to do an appearance in Australia! I kid you not. I’m up for it. Vic said he’d do it. All right you Aussies…if you want us, let us know and we’ll see what we can do. I think there is a book thing in October there. Since neither one of us will ever do GRL again, we’re free. 


Awesome Aussie Hunks Appreciated

     Hey y’all, I need to ask you guys to step up to the plate a bit, if you can. Lost n Found’s Christmas list is up and needs your help. There are far too many items on their list that haven’t been filled. A lot of items listed there are under twenty-five dollars. Hell, there are some that aren't even ten dollars. These are gay kids that have been tossed out for being gay, or had no choice but to live on the streets. They are the next generation of torch bearers. Let’s give them a hand up. We, together, can help give them a little peace and perhaps a little joy for what is left of their childhood. They are just kids, after all. So please, if you can, do what you can. Tis the season, ya know. 





     Okay, that’s enough of my mad ramblings for this week. Don’t know if you can take much more anyway. Y’all have a great week and I’ll see you next time. One last thing… a quote from a very wise woman. “Live. Love. Laugh.” 

     Max
Would YOU lick his candy cane?
Oh yeah, I would!




Sunday, December 7, 2014

What You Always Wanted ToKnow About Gay Sex But Were Afraid To Ask

     Hey y’all. Hope you have had happy and productive week. I know I've been busier than a two-bit whore on full moon Saturday night. I’m late on getting this book out, but sometimes life just gets in the way. Oh well…it is what it is. 

     Earlier this week a reader commented on a FB thread that she wished she had a gay male friend who she could ask questions. I volunteered to answer any that she had and the next thing I knew I had a mailbox full of questions from quite a few readers. It seems that many women have questions but didn't have anyone to ask or were afraid to ask. 

     Pfft… ask me. I’ll tell you the truth, or as truthful as I feel comfortable with and within my boundaries of knowledge. I am sure there are something’s I don’t know, but I've been around a while and I’m not ashamed to say, I've tried just about everything once, well except for women. I’m still a gold star gay after all. 

     What was the number one question? Anal prep before sex. Okay, so here goes:

      Male Douching – “STOP! I have to go douche!” Yeah, not so much. I mean if a guy has a date and is anticipating getting his brains fucked out, yeah, probably. Or if a guy is planning a nice romantic romp with his honey, maybe. But when the mood hits… yeah, good luck with that. They aren't stopping to go sanitize. They go for it and hope for the best, which in most cases works out with no real mess. However, it can and has happened. 


      Anal Stretching – Sometimes. What? I can hear you asking from here. Listen, if a guy is an experienced and practicing bottom, rarely do you have to go through all the steps of opening him up. OH, and forget all that scissoring crap. First of it really doesn't do anything not to mention you’d have to have some serious finger strength to really do much good with a tight ass. Lubing with one finger, then two, then three if the top is really endowed. Go for more if you’re planning on doing fisting, but that is something that needs to be worked up to. 

      Lube – Most of the time, yes. Hell, I’d say 99% of the time. I've rarely met a bottom who could just open right up with no lube, and even if he did, the top might have some discomfort as well. Yes, the top needs that lube just as much as the bottom. Guys who are cut can be a little less sensitive than uncut guys when dry fucking, but still, lube is pretty much a given. (Uncut guys tend to have a natural lube container) Spit can be used as lube, just not as common place anymore and it does dry up pretty quickly. We used to say ‘spit and determination’, but most guys have lube around somewhere. 

      The Prostate – Magic Button, Love Nut, The Bump, all names I've heard, mostly since I've been reading and writing M/M. Gay men are not nearly obsessed with this as most people think. Yes it exists. Yes it has a part in anal sex. Yes it is fun to play with, but you don’t hear a gay guy say, “Oh yeah, that’s my prostate, hit it again.” You know you've hit it when his eyes roll back in his head or he screams “Fuck yeah!” 


     By the way, you don’t need to be ‘inside’ a guy to massage that prostate…just sayin’. You can do so from the outside just as easy, when the guy is aroused. Yep, that little brown love nut isn't very sensitive until fully aroused. It will swell up, filling with semen. Think of it as a little holding room. 


      Basic anatomy… the prostate is pretty much in the same place for all guys. It functions about the same across the board. Again, it really doesn't become all that sensitive until the guy is really turned on. So just jumping right in there without the guy being turned on isn't going to do much for him. 


     Rimming – Ass Munching, Butt Eating. Oh yeah. Most guys wouldn't turn down a good rim job. However, once again, it won’t do much for a guy until they are aroused. It has to do with blood flow to the nether regions. I don’t know a guy, gay or straight, that doesn't like a little hole play during a good blowjob. It becomes quite the erogenous zone when the blood starts pumping. 

     What’s it taste like? Well go find out for yourself. I think each person tastes different, all over, not just there. So there ya have it. 

     Does size matter – Well of course it does. Girth will make sure that everything gets hit, meaning the prostate. Length, well I guess that is a matter of personal preference. Some like ‘em really long, some not so much. Sex really is a matter of personal preference. I know a lot of women who are not comfortable with super long dicks. I know guys who don’t like long dongs. It’s whatever flips your switch. 


     Dicks – Oh, one of my favorite subjects. Personally, I think each one has its own personality. Some are super sensitive just underneath the head, others not so much, but have other places that get them going. Get to know your dick. That’s my advice. Experiment and see what revs that motor up. 


     Cut vs. Uncut – I think each have their own pros and cons. There is nothing I dislike more than a dirty uncut dick. To me it smells like someone smeared blue cheese all over stinky feet and left them out in the sun for a day. But there are some guys who really get into smegma, I’m just not one of them. 

     Uncut guys tend to be more sensitive around the glands, or head while uncut guys not as much. However, after a guy comes, the head gets super sensitive and often can’t have any stimulation at all without causing a lot of discomfort and that goes for both cut and uncut. 

      The Head – again, there are some things a guy really likes and dislikes. “Does it hurt to have the tip of a tongue in the tip-slit?” Uhhh, NO! Some guys really get off on it, some not so much, but it doesn't hurt. Hell, there are guys who enjoy sounding (putting things down the urethra). That happens to be their thing. 

     Testicles – Balls, Nuts, Gonads. Some guys really get off on having them stretched and some not so much. Again, it just depends on the guy. Trust me, you pull too hard and they’ll let you know real quick. 

     Hands Free Cumming - Yes, it happens all the time.



      Believe it or not, that is really all the questions I got. Guys, once they are turned on, are fairly kinky. There are of course those that freak out at anything out of the norm, but then they freak out over change period in my experience. Bless their hearts. 

      As we traverse into the holiday season I can’t help but think of some of the more unfortunate kids out there. Where I live is a relatively poor community. Some of the kids rely on the school system to eat. That breaks my heart. They didn't choose to be brought into this world and shouldn't pay the price for being poor. You would think that being a citizen of one of the richest, most powerful countries on earth, that children wouldn't go hungry or have no health care. 

      For all my curmudgeoness, bravado, kinkiness, whatever, I do have a soft spot for kids. Yeah, I know… it isn't often that I show that side of myself, but it is Christmas after all. I can’t help but see the need that is out there. 

     If you can, just try and do a little something this year, for a kid in your own community. Whether it is Toys for Tots, a church organization (that doesn't preach hate), or any worthwhile charity, please try and do a little something. 

     As always, I am a big supporter for Lost-n-Found in Atlanta. They have their wish list up. They aren't asking for toys but things like socks and underwear. A lot of those kids have nothing and are always grateful for things we often take for granted.




      My Hero’s this week are Jake and Travis Johns and the Johns family. I hope your lives are as blessed as those whose lives you have undoubtedly touched. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

     Y'all have a grrreat week,

     Max



Sunday, November 30, 2014

It's Starting To Look A Lot Like Crazy


     I’d like to start off first by referring you back to a post I did almost a year ago. You can find it in the archives, December 1, 2013. It was a rather long post, now that I come to read through it. It has to do with why I don’t do Christmas Cards. If you’re interested, that is. I’m not going to go into it again, but it might explain a lot. 

     So…I have this new man in my life, as some of you may know. He’ll be here very soon. It’ll be nice to be in the same time zone. Anyway, he found out today that I have OCD. Not as bad as it used to be, but with some things, yeah, it’s pretty bad. 

     How did he found out? I posted a few pictures of some Xmas presents that I had wrapped. They look all right. Far from perfect, but good enough to where I’m not embarrassed. I think I could have done better, but what the hey? I got ’em done. You see, this is the reason why I hate wrapping presents. They are never quite perfect. There’s that OCD kicking in. 

      Things that set me off? My toothbrush: it has to be in the same place each and every time. I hate toothpaste in the sink. How much time does it actually take to rinse out the sink? I hate getting into an unmade bed. Drives me nuts. The biggie? Don’t mess with my kitchen. I put things back in the same place each and every time. Little Max used to drive me nuts with this. Most of it was just pure laziness, the other was just not caring. Grrrr. Yeah, I am one of those who alphabetize my herbs and spices. I’m better than I was on this. I used to separate the herbs from the spices! 

     Clutter is one of those things that used to just freak me the hell out. I’ve gotten better with this. It’s not one of those things that I have to immediately fix. However, there will come a point when I can’t take it and I’ll go on a cleaning binge. Not such a bad thing in my book. 

     I used to be a lot worse. For example, I used to starch and iron my paper money as well as wash the coins. Yeah, I know… kinda freakish, right? I used to organize my closet first by shirt type and then by color. I don’t do that anymore. Okay, that’s a lie, I still organize by shirt type. And no, I do not hang T-shirts. They are all folded the same way and then organized by type: casual, bar type, gay bar type and then sports. I don’t arrange by color anymore if that helps. Yep, pants the same way, although I sort those by season. 

     I knew I was in bad shape when I started organizing lube and condoms by type, manufacturer, color and expiration dates. Don’t even get me started on butt plugs, dildos and tit-clamps. Let’s just say I knew which ones were dishwasher safe. It was then and there that I decided I needed to do something about it and I did. I’m not totally healed but I sure am a lot better than I was. 

      I can tell now you’re shaking your heads. I can feel it. Before you get all judgmental I have a perfectly reasonable excuse for all my madness. My mother and my sister were/are the biggest hoarders you’d ever want to know. With that comes clutter. It’s a disease that I call surfaceitis. Neither of them had a clean surface on anything—kitchen counters, tables or shelves—nothing. If it was flat, it had something on it, often times never seeing the surface underneath. Drove me nuts as a kid and manifested itself into full blown OCD. 


      The biggest problem with OCD is that it is exhausting. You’re constantly tidying things up, putting things away, washing, dusting, cleaning. If I’d thought about it some thirty years ago, I would have bought stock in Johnson & Johnson. I swear I would have made a fortune on just my purchases of Pledge alone! 

     And before y’all start pointing fingers and laughing, take a good hard look in the mirror. What are your neuroses? We all have them. Come on, admit it. Hmmm? 

     I have four presents left unwrapped. Every year I like to participate in the Toys for Tots drive. Not only does it help local kids have a little brighter Christmas, but I usually get to drool over a hot Marine or two. The problem I have is I want to fucking wrap those presents! UGH… just drives me nuts to have them sitting there begging to be wrapped up in some festive paper with over the top bows. Yeah, more OCD. 

     At any rate, I’d like to issue a challenge. How many of you would be willing to get just one little gift for either Toys for Tots or an equally good charity? Don’t have to go overboard. You can get a really decent toy for under ten dollars. 

     Another worthwhile charity is Lost-n-Found in Atlanta. 

     Normally they have a list of things to get for needy kids, but it either isn’t up yet or they may not be doing it this year. If not, you can buy a brick for the renovation of the new home they are redoing for the kids. Either way…you rack up some pretty valuable Karma coins. 

     Have a grrreat week, y’all, 

     Max