Sunday, November 22, 2015

Stepping Back

     So… I was thinking, as dangerous as some of you may think, and I’ve decided something. As hard as I try, as much as I attempt to convince myself, I’m really not very happy.
     You’d think that after I got My Hero: The Olympian finished, and it out I’d be ecstatic. Well, I am about that. I admit I felt really good when it finally went live. The response has been good, and the 5 Onion Ring review made me laugh. I mean really laugh.
     So what’s the issue you ask? I’m sad because of all the hate I’ve seen lately. First off, the whole thing in Paris. It scared me. Made me worry about my friends who live there. Gave me nightmares. I cried.
     What upset me even more is the reaction of some people. It was like being a witness to mass genocide and no way to do anything about it. It was so hateful it made me sick to my stomach. I had to stop looking at social media I was so disturbed by it all.
     I think for the first time ever, I am ashamed of my government, or a good portion of it anyway. I’ve always been rather proud to be from the United States, but I think that is starting to become a misnomer. I don’t see us United any more, which is truly sad. It reeks of the segregation of our not so distant past. The way we treated the Asian population and other immigrants that came to this country. We treated them shamefully, and now I see many of us doing the same thing. Just sad.
     But that isn’t what really got to me this week…
     I had been so busy with getting this latest book out that I didn’t pay much attention to some of the things that were going on around me. Sorry, shoot me. That’s just the way I work. I needed to focus on that, and so I did.
     There was some blog post made by an anonymous gay guy, ranting away about the M/M romance genre. I took part of it as him saying that women were ogling gay men and petting them, basically objectifying them. Okay… yes, I’ve seen that. Was I bothered witnessing such an act? Nope. I was right there with him, having a good time. But it did make me ask a few questions.
     Would those same women being doing the same thing if those men were not gay? Would I? I can only answer for myself. No, I probably wouldn’t. That’s just a fact that I know about myself. Having gone to Swinging Richards in Atlanta, where most of the dancers are straight, I know it didn’t do anything for me. Actually made me a bit uncomfortable.
     Now, I tried to see things from this writer’s perspective, and I can see where he might have an issue. Like most gay men, there are times when we want ‘our’ space. A place where it is only gay men. I’ve mentioned this before.
    True story: A friend and I went to a bear bar. It turned out that it was a men only bar. She had a fit. She couldn’t believe that there was a place where she wasn’t allowed. This happened a couple of times and there was always a small tirade to follow. I tried to explain to her that there are places that men cannot go, and I understand that, why couldn’t she?'
     This whole blog post by Mr. Anon and some of the responses really hurt. I remember being crucified over something similar a year ago. I only tried to explain how the majority of men are, but in a way that was supposed to satirical. It was hijacked by a few people who had it out for me, (I have proof of this which is in the hands of an attorney.) The first few comments led the rest of the readers down the rosy road of hate.
     NOTE: There were two of these same people who shamed me for what I wrote, standing up and defending Mr. Anon for saying far worse than anything I said.
     I read the comments from this disturbing blog and became so sad. So many other authors, authors I know, and some readers really went after this guy. But somehow, once again, it turned into ‘so women can’t write M/M’. I am going to say this yet again, for who knows how many times now… I have never said that a woman can’t write M/M romance. Nope, not once. I have said that there are some women who don’t do it very well, and that is me being honest. On the flip side, I also said that there are some men who can’t write it very well either, so there you have it. I hope I never have to say that again, but I’m sure I will.
     The first thing I would like to say to this guy is this…
     Sexual objectivity has been going on since the beginning of time. Prostitution is the world’s oldest profession. It isn’t going to change. If you don’t like it, then don’t be around it and don’t participate. Don’t get your panties all in a twist. Get over it.
     But as a gay man, Mr. Anon made some valid points. A fellow author, Ashley John McLoughlin, wrote a post that blew me away. He is far more eloquent than I. Reading his post, he put down how I felt about the whole issue. I highly suggest you read it. It is so well done, I was speechless. There is also a link to Mr. Anon’s rant via his post. Try and read it with an open mind.

     I’ve been pulling back more and more from social media lately. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until someone pointed it out. I guess it is that self-preservation thing kicking in. It’s so hurtful, hateful and negative. Things I’d rather not have in my life.
     I know I’ve said it before, but after this past week, it bears repeating: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
     For now, I’m going to go crawl into my chair and pull a big black blanket over me and lick my wounds.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all. Be kind.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Happy Release Day To Me!

Happy release day to me… Happy release day to me… Happy release day to me… Happy release day to me… Happy release day to me… Happy release day to me… 
Hope everyone enjoys!

I’d like to enjoy this day and not think of all the ugliness in this world, so I’m taking the day off and going to go play in the dirt. He he he

     Have a grrreat week, y'all,


Sunday, November 8, 2015


     So… here I sit. I’m… well… a little sad I guess.
     I read an article in Advocate that rang true, sadly. The article was titled Gay Men Should Be Ashamed of Slut-Shaming. The author, Kit Williamson, did a very good job, in my opinion. Over the past few years I’ve noticed that gay men, mostly younger than myself, have become very vindictive in their attitudes towards other gay men, especially when it comes to sex.
     Here is the link to the article if you want to read it. I highly suggest that you do. I think it applies across the spectrum of sexuality.
     Why so judgmental? I know that a lot of people in the M/M genre have an issue with cheating and god forbid, an open relationship, but… and here’s the big thing to me… so many readers adore porn stars. If they are in a relationship, is that not cheating each time they ‘work’? And who are we to judge anyone’s relationship. I’ve always said, “Keep out of my bedroom!”
     So why the double standard? What works for some may not work for others. It is great that we here in the states can marry whomever we chose, but what if we don’t want to? Huh? What about that? What if a couple doesn’t want to get married and just want to enjoy being with each other… and others? Is it really anyone else’s business.
     "Today, it seems as though any individual’s expression of sexual desire outside of the confines of marriage is seen as a threat to our hard-earned place in society."
     I’m not straight. I’ve never going to be straight. I grew up with the idea that I would never be able to marry my partner. Never have I thought of myself fitting into any type of heterosexual type mold, so don’t try and stuff me into one now. It’s a little late in the game for that. Nope, I’m never going to marry, have kids, two cars and a house with a white picket fence. That’s not me. Was never going to be me.
     How about this…
     If you want to pay my bills, feed and clothe me, then and only then will I let you tell me what to do. Oh, and while you’re at it… next time you feel like someone else is doing something wrong… remind yourself of that, whether you agree with them or not.. YOU are not responsible for someone else’s actions, only your own.
     I’ve always tried to remind myself that until you have walked in someone else’s shoes, you don’t know what is going on in their life. Until you have, you might want to rethink that whole judging thing.
     Why don’t we clean up our own houses before we start throwing stones at others? Personally, I know I’m not perfect. Never will be. It isn’t for lack of trying, but it just is never going to happen. I dare any one single person to say they are either. It’s just not human nature.
     I caught a lot of flak for about cheating in My Hero. What many didn’t understand is that when you are questioning your own sexuality, having serious doubts about yourself, you need to figure it out. When a very basic part of your being is in question, when your life suddenly does a complete 180, you tend to freak out a bit. It was an iatrical part of the story. It had to happen.
     What I think bothers me the most is that so many people are just mean. I don’t like mean. My grandmother and mother both told me, over and over and over, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I really do try and do that. I don’t always succeed, but I do my best, and I think I do pretty well.
     If you don’t like cheating, then don’t cheat and don’t associate with people who do, if it bothers you. Same thing applies if someone chews gum and it drives you nuts. If it bothers you that much, then stay away from them. There are plenty of people out there who don’t like me, and that’s fine. There are a lot of people I don’t care for. Guess what? I don’t associate with people I don’t like, unless I have to. It’s just that simple. Not everyone is going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay too.
     You know what…
     There is too many wonderful things out there in this big bright world to be brought down by snarky, bitchy, hateful people. Look, and you will find something beautiful, something that will make you smile instead of frown. Besides, frowning creates ugly wrinkles that no cream will be able to remove.
     As we move into the holiday season, I hope… wish that we can take a pause and think about what we say and reflect a bit on what we can do to make ourselves better. When we do that, we open ourselves up to things that make us happy, it does for me at least.
     Things that make me happy…
     I’m pretty simple to be honest. I like digging in the dirt. I like strolling through gardens, looking at beautiful plants. I like waterfalls and water gardens. I love good food and cooking for those I care about. I love my goofy dogs, even when they need baths. But what I like the most is when I see people smile.
     I love to travel. Being able to see beautiful cities, sample their food and explore new surroundings is a joy. But you know what? It is the people that I meet along the way that make it special. Buildings are just brick and mortar, but it is the people who love and care for these places, their home, that really makes it special.
     Each place I am privileged to visit, I see need. There is always that one person that sticks out to me. I make it a point to reach out to that one person, to let them know they are seen and that they aren’t invisible. I can’t think of anything more horrible than that.
     It doesn’t take much. I simple hello. A shake of a hand. A smile. A cup of coffee. The change in your pocket. Such little things can make a life changing difference to people sometimes. That poor kid in Paris is the perfect example. Each time I passed him, I gave him the change in my pocket. Before I left, he hugged me saying that because of that, he was able to get a cheap phone and could now find a decent paying job. It wasn’t much, or so I thought, it was just change. Who knew I'd given the kid enough to purchase a phone. Those damn pesky single euro coins.
     I still say that the Europeans have it all wrong with their not having paper one pound/euro notes. I’m convinced that is why there are no strippers readily available!
     One of the biggest rewards, something I love, is when I can reach out a hand and help someone. The reward is the smile. That small understanding that there is someone out there who sees them and cares. It may only be for a few seconds, but there is that spark that lets you both know that a connection has been made. That’s got to be one of the things I love the most about life. That spark that ignites a smile.
     Have a great week, y’all.
Joey D and Johnny V and Luke Adams a throuple. Cheaters??? Look pretty happy to me.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Happy (Belated) Halloween!

     So… here we are again. It’s Halloween. Happy Spookday, everyone. (Yes, I am aware that it was yesterday.) I’m writing this a few days early since I will have houseguests for the weekend…
     I used to look forward to Halloween as a kid and then even more so as an adult. I think… no… I’m sure that gay men loved this holiday more than any other. Why? Because they could really let loose and delve into their deepest fantasies, or show their humor or… both. It really was quite the site to see.

     One year I went as a condom. Damn, that costume was hot. I bet I lost ten pounds in water-weight that night. Then there was the time that a bunch of us went as the Cocke County Cockette Cheerleaders. (Cocke County Tennessee…yes that is a real place.) That was a lot of fun. Six gay men, facial hair, hairy legs, big red wigs, teased to the heavens, bright red lipstick, carrying pom-poms, while running around doing half-assed cheers. Yeah, those were the days. We had fun.
     As I grew older, I calmed down a bit. My partner and I decided to do something for the kids, so we set up a full show for trick-or-treaters. We even made it on CNN one year. We’d have kids lined up around the block waiting to get a couple of pieces of candy. Of course, there were a few who pissed their pants. I think we even got one parent to wet herself one year. We did this for about five years. I felt sorry for the people who bought the house and got slammed with kids the following year.

     Then… well… I just got older and started to care less and less about it. The last couple of years I’ve not even been home to hand out candy. This is a good thing. If I don’t have candy in the house, I won’t eat it. I don’t think there are that many kids around here, so I think I may be safe. But I’m not taking any chances. I’m going out!

     I have a friend visiting, so it is a good excuse to go out for dinner, listen to a band, have a few drinks and not worry about the doorbell, the dogs going nuts, having candy in the house and… Damn… I sound like an old stick in the mud, don’t I?

     Okay, time to change this. I think I’m going to go and get some Halloween candy. I’ll stick around long enough to hand out some goodies for the kiddies. I might even see about a costume before we go out Saturday night. I know that there will be a lot of people out enjoying this wicked holiday. Woo-hoo. Party time!

     I guess I need to get busy here, so I’m going to cut this a bit short this week. Remember, do something kind for someone this week. It doesn’t matter how big or small, just doing it is what matters.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all.

Sunday, October 25, 2015


     So… it’s been a week, a mish-mash of things. I’ve worked some, I’ve played some and I’ve been lazy some. Not too bad I’d say.

     This week, I did something that I’m kind of proud of. I helped someone who really needed it. It wasn’t a lot, but it was timely and helped this guy out who was in crisis. Sometimes just listening to someone can be a big help. At any rate, it was enough to make me feel like I made a difference. Woo-hoo. I'm a superhero.
     And then…
     And then, I did something that startled me and made me a bit ashamed. I actually hung my head and chastised myself. You see, there was this woman at the grocery store, who I am sure is a very nice person, and while she was talking to the cashier and said, ‘I’m a Christian,’ and went on about something else.

     I immediately shut down, the wall went up and the defenses surfaced. This is a normal reaction for me. It’s called self-preservation. Why? Well back in the dark ages, when I was a youngster, and I first realized I was gay, it was open season on homosexuals. Stonewall had just happened and was in the news a lot. People were talking about it and it was far from positive.
     Their first and almost instant response when they spoke of gays was to say they were going to hell and quoting the bible. In those days, we were sick, perverts, pedophiles, our souls taken over by Satan. The church, any church, were the frontrunners for the attacks. Of course living in the South, in the heart of the bible belt, wasn’t exactly the best place to be a fledgling gay child.
     Now of course, me being me, not one to keep my mouth shut, I pretty much shoved it down their throats once I was outted. Oh, and high school was such a joy… not. Back in the ‘70’s it was pure hell to be honest, and that is where I was outted. Yeah... so not fun.

     I had an uncle that didn’t even want to be in the same room with me. His son went to Freedom University, Jerry Falwell’s school. My cousin, who had a Master’s Degree in Theology, couldn’t put a proper sentence together and when I shook his hand, it was like taking hold of a lukewarm, wet, half dead fish. Of course, it was this part of my family that I avoided. They always made me feel like a leper. But the underlying foundation for their, and most everyone else’s, dislike and condemnation  of me was the Christian bible.
     Victoria Holt was a major player in the Episcopal Church that I grew up in. When she heard the rumor that I was gay, her whole attitude towards me changed. She looked down her nose at me, would ignore my mother and I if we walked into a room, wouldn’t look me in the eye and was heard to tell people that I shouldn’t be allowed to come to church. That’s when I left the church. I was sixteen. I never told my mother why I refused to go after that.
     Over the years, I’ve dealt with Christians telling me I’m going to hell, that I’m not fit to live among decent people and so on and so forth. What did I do? I took the power. The one thing I’ve learned in my many years walking this earth, is that knowledge is power, so I educated myself.
     What I’ve learned is that most of those bible-thumpers had never actually read the bible. They only went by the quotes that they were told. I swear at times it was like shooting fish in a barrel. It was/is an interesting journey, I will admit. It is rather fun to watch people who want to… try to, condemn you squirm like a worm on a hot sidewalk.
     I remember years and years ago, when my sister got on her high horse, trying to ‘save’ me. Now my sister is no dummy and she held her own for a while… until it got to the history part. That’s when she shut up pretty quickly. I told her that if she really liked her religion, benefited from it, then she had better stop or I would take it away from her. She didn’t believe me at first. Later that night she begged me to stop. She has since gotten over that overly zealous, religious phase of her life, thank goodness. She is still a practicing Christian, but she knows better than to challenge me with it, and will openly tell anyone not to bring up around me.
     Why then was I kicking myself? Well… because I had just had a rather heated discussion defending Muslims, saying that not all of them were religious nut jobs.
     I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching is what it basically boiled down to. Admittedly, I’ve only known two true Christians my entire life, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t others out there. I am fairly certain that there are plenty of good people out there who are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and whatever organized religion that there is. Unfortunately, the ones that get all the attention are the ultra-conservative, right-wingers who are pretty much bat-shit crazy.
     I came home and gave myself a good butt-kicking, a long talking to and then cleaned the bathroom. I would have cleaned the refrigerator, but I didn’t think I needed that much of a penance. I don’t know what I would have had to of done to be that bad.
     Needless to say, I need to try and change my years and years of self-conditioning, my automatic shielding myself from Christians. The automatic distrust, dislike and fear of being attacked by Christians. My automatic disdain for those proclaiming to be Christian. Yes, I am guilty of all of that.
     Now don’t get me wrong… if they come after me, I am fully armed and equipped to take them down and I won’t hesitate to do it. I have done it. I’ve made ministers cry and enjoyed doing it.
     So… I’m going to try and be a better person. I try not to judge others. I try to be nice to everyone. I do try to be patient… not my strongest trait, and I do try to be kind and understanding. I just need to try and little harder and leave some habits behind. I think that if I concentrate hard enough, over a glass of milk, I might be able to accomplish this. Oh, who am I kidding… it would take a whole dairy farm to break a habit that I’ve had since about age seven, but I’m going to try.

     I leave you with this…
     Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember that your neighbor is your charge. Don’t gossip. Do something nice for someone and you will be a better person.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all, 

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Here I Sit...

     So… here I sit, once again. I don’t know ‘bout y’all but I’m sitting my big butt down. I’m afraid I’m back to rambling again. No real theme or ideas… again. Where this will end up is anyone’s guess.

     Here goes...
     It’s been a pretty good week. Since I finished Olympian, I decided to take a few days off and get some other things done that I’ve let fall by the wayside and to have a little fun. I don’t think I knew just how much pressure I had put on myself in getting that book done. It was like a huge weight off my shoulders. It has been a rough last few months, let me tell you.

     Anyway, I had fun just doing little stuff around the house, futzing about with no real goal. I even went and had a look at a garden nursery. Anyone else do that? Just go to wander about to see what there was to see? I do like strolling about looking at plants. Maybe I’m just weird that way.
     I will admit that I did do a little work, writing work that is. I’m taking my time letting it flow as it wants, just enjoying doing it. That’s when I enjoy writing. I think I was just so afraid of disappointing anyone with the sequel to My Hero, that I’d put a lot of stress on myself. Anyway, it is done and I’m moving along onto other works. Yay me!
     What else…
     This is Gay Rom Lit (GRL) week. While I am missing seeing a lot of fun people, readers and authors alike, I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I’ve seen some photos and such online and while I’m glad everyone is having a good time, I do miss being part of it. Oh well, it was my decision and I’m sticking with it. I do hope that everyone that’s in attendance has a good time.
     Other news…

     I kinda fell off the wagon this week. I just couldn’t resist. I was just craving it so badly. Next thing I know… a half gallon later… I was sated. Addiction is a terrible thing. As far as I know, I’m the only one that has a milk addiction. Just goes to prove how wacky and crazy I am. I’m just glad that there weren’t any Tim Tams around. I’m sure they would have been eaten in one sitting.
     And now to the weather…
     It seems the long hot Florida summer is over… finally. Yay! To me, it seemed to go on forever. Last year the cooler temperatures started about mid-September. Not this year. It felt like it was never going to end. The second week of October felt like August to me. I think I would be okay if it was just the heat, but it was just as humid as it was hot. That’s just yuck. I hate it when my nuts stick to my leg. I stand up and start shaking my legs to dislodge ‘em. I think the dogs must think I’m nuts…um…errr… crazy.
     Speaking of which…
     One morning, earlier this week, I was cleaning off the dining room table and happened to look up and out the window. There was my next door neighbor up on a ladder. It appeared that he was doing something with an antenna or something like it. Of course he looked over and waved. I guess it didn’t faze him that I was standing there buck ass naked. Normally he wouldn’t have seen me because of the privacy fence, but he was on a ladder. Oops. Oh well, shit happens.
     I saw something a few days ago that I now wish I had saved. It was a little saying about Karma. It said something along the lines about Karma is only a bitch if you are. As I have said before, Karma can be a very good thing and it usually carries interest. So, don’t be a little bitch. Do something nice for someone and get those good Karma coins in your bank.
     Have a grrreat week, y’all,
I couldn't resist. :D

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Warning: Mad Ramblings Ahead

     So… here I sit. Nope. Not a clue. Practically brain dead I’d say. Alright, I’ll give it a go… let’s see what ramblings I can come up with…
Just because they're pretty.
     This week I finally finished My Hero: The Olympian. Finally. I’ve been working on and off on this book for about two years. Why so long? To be honest, I was terrified of this book. It is very hard to live up to the expectations of a book that was, and still is, so popular. I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t crap. I’m still not sure.
     I’ve been very self-critical, probably overly so. Then there were times I just couldn’t get my head into it. Then moving… twice, having personal issues surrounding me and basically just crap going on. But it goes back to I was just afraid of it. It’s a great milestone for me to have it done.
     It’s a whopper too! I didn’t set out to write such a big book, but it’s just the way it went. Rich and Johnny had a lot going on and they weren’t going to be pushed, as usual. Just a hint, but the damn thing is well over twice the size of the first one.
     One of the things that really helped me get over the hump is Jared Bradford’s narration of the first one, My Hero. He brought it to life for me. I’ve never really listened to audiobooks before and this was a real treat for me. There were times I sat here thinking, ‘Wow, I really wrote that?’. So you may thank him for helping me get this one done.
     Anyway… it’s done now and in the hands of the first round of beta reads. I’m trying to not think about it right now.
     Okay, I’m going to rant for a moment… I’ll try and keep it short…
     This week someone told me that once again I’ve been accused of acting inappropriately at a Book Con. I swear, I don’t have to do anything to get into trouble. Anywho, it was said that at the UK Meet in 2015 I touched the backside of one of the naked butlers. Guess what? I did! And I liked it too. BUT, (pun intended) this is where it gets interesting: I had permission. I asked first. Actually, I didn’t even ask. All I said is I want to touch it. The young man turned around, stuck that cute furry tushy out and said ‘Go ahead’. So I did. He was very nice about it and we had a nice chat later.
How could I resist?
     All very innocent, right? That was all there was to it. However, someone who must have been watching took offense. Really? What is more important to me though is why it even came up in the first place. Now, I didn’t go to the UK Meet this year (so how the hell did my name get dragged into this?) but as is normal fare in this genre, the tongue wagers were out in force. It seems that some people took offense at the naked butlers showing up again this year. I don’t understand why anyone would have a problem with very cute men running around in nothing but an apron. All their important bits were covered. I don’t get it to be honest. It was all for a bit of fun and I personally loved it.
     I think this was all started by a bunch of prudes, if you ask me. Listen up people, if you want to read about gay men, men who have sex together, don’t go getting all indignant when real men show up. You want to read about men having sex, being in relationships, but then get upset when men are running around half naked. Really? Get a life.
     To the organizers of the UK Meet I say: Keep up the good work. Don’t let a few petty people dictate how you do things. I say keep the naked butlers. Hell, throw in a few strippers while you’re at it. If they don’t like it, they can either go and do something else, not come or get over it. You aren’t going to please everyone and if you try, you will fail. Don’t let those few prudes ruin the fun for the rest of us.
     Okay, rant over… what else…
     Damn…I’m at a loss now. There’s just not much for me to say I guess. I really have sequestered myself off from the world to get that damn book done. I’ve gone to the store… one must have food and I went and helped a friend out with a couple of his horses. That’s it. I’ve not left the house other than that. Pretty sad, huh?
     I guess that’s about it for this week. You know what I’m going to say, don’t you? Ha, you’re right. Go forth and do something kind for someone else. Rack up some of those positive Karma Coins.
     Till next week, y’all,
I couldn't resist. LOL